Today the weather is gorgeous. Finally some nice weather! Got the kids off to school, husband off to work, and the week begins. We had a lot of fun this weekend and it was a good balance of relaxing, enjoying the kids, and being productive.
So I went out for a run. I am thinking, maybe even though I definitely won’t be able to run the half marathon, or a 10k, maybe I can do the 5k that is the day before the marathon. The kids want to do the kids’ run the day before. So I went for a run. Well, I ambulated. I ambulated 4 miles. 2 miles of running…. well, a mile and a half. Then shuffling looking for water and a bathroom in the park. Then I walked 2 miles. I just didn’t have it in me. No pep in my step. My fingers are all swollen and I’m not thrilled with how I feel.
It’s probably getting to be that time of the month… very low energy. But I’ve also been sleeping poorly. Even if I sleep soundly, I’m apparently so stressed out that I’m grinding my teeth. Literally grinding my teeth DOWN. It’s not great. I’m so worried now about our little guy who might be autistic too. My husband brought up that there are some kids who develop typically and then they loose skills and communication and then one day, they’re just gone. I can’t imagine going through that. I can’t imagine losing him. We’re getting an outside evaluation done and I’m anxious. I’m anxious that they’ll say he’s fine and they’ll miss something. I’m anxious they’ll tell us something is really wrong. I’m anxious.
I’m looking forward to warmer days, to more sunshine, to days outside and open windows at night. I’m looking forward to sometime, not saying, “It’ll be OK” because I really want it to be OK.